“When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person that walked in. That’s what the storm is all about” – Haruki Murakami.
Dear Future Me,
I decided to write this letter to you at a moment when I feel I have hit a new low. I feel this letter will help you in the months, or possibly even years to come. I will be harsh, yet extremely honest about the past. Right now I am hurting, low on confidence and distraught. Wait till you eventually start feeling the effects. If I was asked to sum up the last few years of my life in one word then it would be ‘delusional’. It hurts right? Stop complaining! You deserve it.
Living off false hope for a long period of time has its effects and the day when you come face to face with that false hope, you will feel the weight of world on your shoulders. If burying yourself in the deepest of holes was an option, you would. You will doubt everything you've ever believed in, you will feel alone and lonely. You will resent the decisions you have made over the years. Fret not! because after all the self-depreciating, you will slowly but gradually start coming to terms with your situation and will accept your misdemeanors. The trick is to be able change tracks. It’s not easy and chances are you’ll stumble on numerous occasions. The past can’t be undone or forgotten, so all you can do is put it aside and do your level best not to think about it.
Believe that it’s never too late to turn the tables. Travel, love, study and most importantly, stay busy. You are an emotional fool. There is nothing wrong with that and you should treat it as a sign of humility. Remember, there is nothing wrong in that either. Constantly think about the ever-growing list of things you’d like to do and get them done when given the opportunity. If you grab them, this complicated jigsaw puzzle called life will start falling into place even before you know it.
Don’t be scared. Yes, I know that your love was honest and pure and there will be a lingering pain. Too bad it didn't work out and probably never will. Hide only the scars, but be very careful not to lock yourself out. Let the heart and mind wander and let it take the risks it needs to take. Keep smiling. Yes, I know you have a terrible smile but it’s always better than that hideous, murky look you have on your face now.
Read this letter everyday if the need arises. For the foreseeable future, I know you will be requiring it. Right now you’re fighting your inner demons. It’s going to be the fight of your life, but if you play your cards right I’m sure we’ll make it.
The Present Me